Is Prayer Viewed As a Gift or a Nuisance?

In his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul provides a methodology for proclaiming Christ as the center of Christian prayer, addressing the love between the Father and us. He emphasizes the importance of being strengthened by God to communicate with Him, and of allowing Christ to dwell in their hearts, strengthening their faith grounded in love. St. Paul concludes his mini discourse on prayer by reminding the faithful to love Christ above all.[1] An important point we can take from St. Paul is that genuine prayer should reflect the love between the Father and his creation, and second, that Christ is the source and identity of Christian prayer. He concludes by affirming the necessity to be filled with the goodness of God’s love.[2]

The practicality of St. Paul’s prayer to the Ephesians reveals the necessity to be active and demonstrative in prayer. Whether the form of prayer is contemplative, intercessory, petition, adoration, thanksgiving, or praise, all forms of Christian prayer require an active relationship with Jesus Christ. Hence, all Christian forms of communication with God have only one aim: Heaven. The Catechism, in quoting St. Thérèse of Lisieux, affirms the relationship between heaven and Christian prayer,

For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.[3]

A frustration I often hear from parents when it comes to praying with their children is the lack of time to pray as a family or the inability to pray in general. The frustration is often accompanied by exasperation that the entire practice seems hopeless. Understandably, family dynamics may at times impede a family from praying together at a certain time throughout the week. A question I posed to one family in particular, who had asked for advice on incorporating prayer in their home, pertained to their approach to prayer. Specifically, I asked what their disposition or demeanor was when preparing to pray. Was there any communication throughout the day in preparation for prayer, any intercessions to focus on, specific petitions, or intentions? The question is not meant to be interrogatory toward the family, but instead, the intention was to determine how they viewed prayer in their daily life. Once the husband and wife took some time to reflect on my questions, the collective response was revealing. They understood the importance of prayer, especially within the family, but admittedly, both replied that they viewed the entire practice of praying as a nuisance.

Reality set in the moment they realized the spiritual weight of their statement and how their spiritual disposition needed to change. Difficulty with prayer should be nothing new to anyone who possesses an active prayer life with Christ. From the onset of the original sin, the concupiscence of our behavior faces daily challenges with distractions or spiritual dryness that affect our ability to pray. The Catechism makes a point of reminding us of the necessity to be vigilant in prayer,

The habitual difficulty in prayer is distraction. It can affect words and their meaning in vocal prayer; it can concern, more profoundly, him to whom we are praying, in vocal prayer (liturgical or personal), meditation, and contemplative prayer. To set about hunting down distractions would be to fall into their trap, when all that is necessary is to turn back to our heart: for a distraction reveals to us what we are attached to, and this humble awareness before the Lord should awaken our preferential love for him and lead us resolutely to offer him our heart to be purified. Therein lies the battle, the choice of which master to serve.[4]

Spiritual dryness often affects us and is described as the heart separated from God, with our senses appearing not to be affected by God.[5] These examples reveal the necessity of developing and maintaining active communication with our Lord, exercising the ability to pray by placing ourselves in docility to both humbly receive and communicate with Christ. As the couple began to further discern the view of prayer, admittedly the commented that their view of the Church and willingness to practice their faith had waned over the years to the point that it had become a chore and a nuisance. The thought of prayer as a gift was the furthest thing from their minds, as their preferred approach to practicing their faith, which included prayer, was to do the bare minimum required.

Jesus reminds us in St. John’s Gospel that prayer and the Christian life are inseparable: whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. This I command you, to love one another.[6] The relationship between the Christian life and prayer is essential to avoid the calamity of viewing prayer as a nuisance instead of a gift. Jesus reminds us of this gift in his prayerful communication with the Samaritan woman,

There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.  Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.[7]

The gift of prayer begins with the gift of faith, and the necessity to focus on things from above rather than from below, as St. Paul reminds us.[8] Prayer as a gift requires a submission of our hearts to the will of God. Before substantive change can occur in our prayer life, the gift of humility must serve as the foundation of our relationship with Christ. Thus, instead of seeing prayer as a nuisance, we beg to have a more intimate relationship with Christ. Jesus reminds us of the importance of persevering in prayer.[9] In the parable of the importune friend,

 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; ⁶ for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; ⁷ and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything’? ⁸ I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity, he will rise and give him whatever he needs. ⁹ And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. ¹¹ What father among you, if his son asks for^[b] a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; ¹² or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him![10]

The example of the importune friend reminds us of the necessity to change our disposition through an active and gradual surrender of ourselves to Christ. This means the elimination of distractions that cause us to view prayer as a nuisance. Setting aside a particular place within the home that provides a focal point for prayer towards Christ. Establishing a daily prayer habit through a formal prayer related to the lives of the saints, the rosary, Lectio Divina, excerpts from the liturgy of the hours, or the use of sacred music, Christian contemporary music, or silence. In Jesus Christ, we are provided with the most profound form of Christian prayer because it stems from Christ himself, as the Catechism reminds us:

There is no other way of Christian prayer than Christ.[11]