Marital Sacrifice and the Way of the Cross

The act of sacrifice associated with the sacrament of marriage is heard, but I argue often misunderstood because of the preoccupation with the view of marriage through the lens of carnal desire versus a divine one. Within the stages of marriage preparation, the human dimensions of marriage often outweigh the divine dimensions, especially when faced with the proposition that the natural union between man and woman requires an intimate embrace of one another’s burdens, struggles, and suffering. This speaks of the importance of time, the willingness to openly discern both the human reality of marriage and the responsibility of caring for a soul other than your own in the name of Jesus Christ.

If the married couple understands that intimacy in marriage is not purely carnal but sacrificial, then the expectations of marriage completely change. What I mean by expectations in marriage is the willingness of both parties to freely and openly engage in a marital covenant with the expectation of demanding nothing in return. Hence, the sacrament of marriage is not an imposition of human desires, or the proselytization of spiritual demands. Instead, it is the natural consent between a man and woman to bring one another to Christ and hence lead each other to heaven. The entire symphony of marriage is an active expression of the way of the Cross where both husband and wife declare their willingness to embrace the Cross as one in Christ.

There is an interesting passage in Scripture where the sacrament of marriage is not implied, but Jesus confirms the necessity to shun the world and embrace the Cross as the path to heaven.

If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life? For the Son of man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay every man for what he has done. Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.[1]

In the sacrament of marriage, both husband and wife proclaim the willingness to bear the Cross of Christ for each other. Hence the covenant of marriage in relation to the love of spouse and the love of children is love and affirmation of Christ as the centrality of their marital union. This means that the challenges, burdens, and joys of marriage involve Christ as the mediator of the marital covenant. The Catechism of the Catholic Church affirms this important aspect of the marital covenant as follows,

Christ is the source of this grace. “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb:^[2]

When spouses embrace marital sacrifice, the marital covenant, I argue, becomes clearer. A sense of spiritual and physical appreciation develops between spouses. Being both physically and spiritually present to one another is not viewed as an infringement on one’s personal space, but instead is fostered and embraced. Thus, both husband and wife engage their marital covenant by way of the Cross, earnestly interceding for one another's relationship with Christ and path to heaven. I leave you with the following marriage prayer for reflection and meditation by an unknown author,

Dear Heavenly Father, 

We know we are two separate people. We were each created with our own personality, our own sense of style, our own likes and dislikes. We know that if we are to be one, we must put away the old self, and live according to Your will. As fresh pieces of clay, we ask that You shape our hearts so that You might blend and bind us together as one. 

May nothing come between us, Lord. Nothing that would separate us, or cause a root of bitterness to spring up between us. If there is anything between us even now, we ask that You reveal this to us, and show us how to remove it. Thank You for the many blessings that come with having a partner. May we never fail to see and give thanks for them.

In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.